im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There are leaves in my underwear?
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