who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
COCAINE IS GR8
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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