The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
