Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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