She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
