I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
