i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize