doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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