Nicole vs. Life
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
