I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
