Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
