Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
