Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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