she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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