Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
