Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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