Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
