What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
