oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
