She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just want to make out with him forever
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
