So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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