he wants to bone in the snuggie
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
