I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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