worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's blow job season.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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