Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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