Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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