dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
