new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
