you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
