he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
