dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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