so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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