Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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