I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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