He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
