if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
