the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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