please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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