She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
