some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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