I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
