So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize