On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
