i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
