Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize