remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
