I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
