Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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