I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
