Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We need a shit load of segways right now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
