he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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