I wish I only lived at night.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
