she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
