I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sorry about my life...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
