May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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