I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
