AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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