i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
