I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
