I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
