the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We're too hungover to prance.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
