FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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