all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
