Having a random hookup so left but love u
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
