can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
