someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
