Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We don't watch enough power rangers
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
