I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
