I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
