She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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