How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm too high and old for this...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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