Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
