If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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