Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
