i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
