I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
