ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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