is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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