And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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